S20: Tezlos A. Dinky

The Atramentous named Butcher’s of Pillory spend a little time clarifying cartographic details previously mentioned by Tezlo. Less than ecstatic about their current label-free, key-free, route-free, and detail-free map Tezlo has graciously provided (free of charge) the group vocally relay their expectations of a map that doesn’t suck quite so bad. Tezlo, being the generous soul that he is, agrees… if he can just find it, as he begins to poke around through thousands of layers of documents, blueprints, and detritus. Tired of hosting this, one-way-gimme-party, Tezlo gruffly asks his new acquaintances to leave… now… quickly, of which the group obliges.

Leaving Tezlo’s immaculately detailed home, the group again notice a flock of birds flying around a giant nest perched high atop a steep stone pillar. Mokon takes the lead, ascending the craggy stone at a moderate speed, taking the time to plant a pilon and dropping a rope half-way up the 75 foot climb. Alora, Fey, and Nom follow suit, quickly bypassing Mokon with ease. As the group climbs they notice the birds have now been replaced with a screaming swarm of harpies flying round the approaching nest. Fearless, the group continue onward while Glug watches from below with magic prepared for the inevitable fight. The harpies increase in number as the group climbs -- then they disappear into their home. A large roar is heard as dragon wings expand past the edge of the nest. The group continue on, unfaltering in their plan, and disregarding the power of a dragon. A dragon that Tezlo never mentioned even with the directly posed question of “Where is the nearest dragon”, anywho. (The DM does take slight offense to the group thinking that his storytelling/planning is so infantile that the previous day’s quest of finding a dragon will be concluded the very next session, mere miles away, but I digress.) As the dragon's growls grow more fierce and its wingspan even larger it begins to flap. (Alora notices there is very little wind to coincide with the enormous flapping wings… weird.) The group climbs attempting a dialog with the enormous wyrm as they go. The draconic beast does not answer with words, only anger. Then the dragon falls silent. Four-fifths of the BOP peek their heads over the edge of the huge nest to see nothing. There is no dragon, there are no harpies or birds. Fey quickly investigates finding only cleanly picked bones and old feathers from long ago. Alora, casts detect magic in the hopes of insight into the strange occurrence eventually finding a purple light of illusory magic. Brushing old straw and branches aside, she finds one of the nine shards the dark knight of the Atramentous has asked them to retrieve.

Climbing down, Fey has little trouble. Mokon stumbles on the descent, catching the rope of a well placed rope and piton receiving only minor rope burns to his palms. Alora does not fare as well, plummeting to the base of the stone pillar as Mokon watches, inches away, as she lands with a thud. As Alora stands she notices a large puddle of blood beneath her that is not of her own. Upon closer inspection her backpack formed mimic is heavily bleeding -- quickly she casts healing word to help her toothy friend as Mokon helps heal Alora’s pain through lay-on-hands-on-chest. With a thump, Nom lands on solid ground, but not before leaving a flaming present for the overly dry nest above. With the smell of smoke, and a raging fire behind them. The group leaves Tezlo’s home as Nom mutters the words “If you can’t leave it the way you found it, why not leave it the shittier.”

The crew decides to make their way down the mountain using the same path they used initially to reach Tezlo’s home. As they pass by Sodd’s den Fey hears a puplike whimper in the wind, and then another. Unable to let poor Alejandro suffer, they opt to retrieve the small canine -- any way they have to. Alora quickly creates a perfect replica of a dragon’s tooth out of thin air and immediately begins to rub it between her breasts trying to get the most dragon smell she can because… well… um…. hell I don’t know… no idea what she was thinking… she just did it OK? Upon reaching the inner lair Glug yells to the elderly creature they were here to complete their deal. Sodd was a little confused as they had only been gone for a few hours and she didn’t understand how they could find let alone defeat a dragon in that time, but she was intrigued nevertheless. Quickly approaching Alora and her titty-lubed dragon tooth she quickly realizes there is nary a dragon scent to be had… just… boob smell… from Alora’s boobs. As Sodd spins to get a better vantage point most of the group attacks. Glug sends forth streams of flame, Nom cuts deeply into the creature's tail, Alora prepares to make her next spell count, Mokon watches in awe, and Fey throws a small bead of fire that burns and then encases the creature in an almost weightless sphere. 

They have one minute as Sodd digs and wails trying to escape her prison of force.

Fey runs to help their canine pal, Mokon increases Nom’s constitution significantly as she follows Fey inward, finding two small wyrmlings biting and tormenting a terrified Alejandro. Alora easily pushes the wyrm-filled-sphere upward 50 feet in the air. Mokon finds the strategically perfect spot for the fall to hurt even more with a well placed spear, and Glug slowly, methodically walks closer to the fall zone, loudly dragging his staff of force.

The minute concludes as the sphere dissipates. Sodd falls impaling herself on Mokon’s spear, as she rears her head in pain, Glug is waiting with a staff powered concussion, breaking Sodd’s jaw. Alora blasts Sodd with a thunderwave spinning her body and breaking her jaw in the opposite direction on a nearby granite wall. At that moment Sodd hears one of her two hatched children cry as Nom inflicts pain to the newly hatched beast. Sodd explodes forward to save her offspring. As she enters the narrow cave tunnel Mokon holds fast to the still embedded spear, heaving it even deeper into her side, adding a little headache inducing divine damage, and pinning her to the tunnel wall. Glug hops off the ledge, lines up a shot, and proceeds to give Sodd her first, and last ice-knife-enema leaving her insides liquified and her body lifeless.

After some effort, Alora, Glug, and Mokon remove the large blue blockage from the tunnel. Alora and Mokon take two horns for their trouble. Glug, Fey, and Nom take two small wyrmlings and an unhatched egg. As they prepare to leave, Fey hears the rumbling of hunger. While trying to feed her new pet some cat-jerky she realizes they are not interested… at all, so why not try regurgitation. No looking for other types of food, or perhaps waiting a little bit to see what happens. Nope, just straight to regurgitation -- the only true sign of a good mother figure.

The group continues their way down the mountain taking time for a long rest. Fey, Alora, and Nom create a crude cage for one of the wymlings to accent Fey’s already created wyrmling carry all. Mokon tries to fix his favorite spear with little success, but finds Fey’s spear to work just fine. Glug makes an attempt at being the mother he always wanted to be, making sure to keep his large egg a reptilian-needed  level of warmth.

Waking refreshed, Nom and Fey watch as Glug tries to hide his bed-o-bugs with a little heavy petting and words of deceit. Nom is fooled, but Fey knows the truth. Continuing on with their morning packing Fey hears a high pitched voice,”I’m so hungry, I want food”. Instantly she regurgitates, kinda like a mom lactating when their baby cries, only with vomit. She opens wide and lets the two blind hatchlings feed directly from her mouth cavity -- kinda like a trough. The whole thing wasn’t gross at all… really. It was TOTALLY natural looking. Within seconds she hears the same voice coming from the taller grass as does Glug. (Apparently her baby wyrmlings weren’t hungry yet, still, a morning well spent.) The two approach the noise to find a slightly larger, more upright Gerald rummaging for something to eat. He explains how he lights nuts and berries, and that his brassiere themed home is getting a bit too cramped for his liking as he pushes a rotting egg from the bra-of-holding (apparently). 

The group continues on toward Therack. A few hours pass when they see Anna the old baker woman approaching them, panting and tired. Anna explains how she and Yaekov were attacked by bandits and that Yaekov was hurt badly. She grabs Alora’s arm and feebly pulls her down the road -- the BOP follows, eventually coming upon Yeakov’s wagon with the owner lying unconscious on the ground. Alora quickly heals Yeakov as he gasps for air, unsure of the events that led him to his current status. All are wary of the baker Anna asking her many questions and believing none of her answers. Alora casts a zone of truth to help with their certainty. After a short question/answer session the crew now believes Anna is not a dragon, was never a dragon, can’t become a dragon, and does not know any dragons. Yaekov, however; what is he all about?